Coffee Date | Volume I

Coffee Dates is a segment created by Amber @ Mr. Thomas & Me, where bloggers share what's been on their minds recently. For me, a coffee date is the outing you plan with someone you haven't seen in quite some time to catch up. This is what I'd talk about on our date. 

If we were on a coffee date, I'd ask if you're as terrified of a Trump-run America as I am. I wouldn't ask who you voted for but I'd ask if you had any faith that life will be recognizable after he takes office. I'd tell you emphatically that I'm going to miss the Obamas and wonder aloud if they could stay for just 4 more years, knowing damn well that's not the way the system works. I'd reveal that I'm on the bargaining stage of grief and that although I fully believe we will make it through, some days I wonder how.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd prove to you that reading embarrassment is real. That despite knowing it's not a competition, having only read 29 books last year makes me hang my head in shame. That even acknowledging such a low number of books makes me feel like a fraud when most other readers and reviewers have read well into the 100s. In 2016, reading was very 'touch and go' for me. A month would pass where I'd read nothing at all. Then a weekend of voracious reading left 4 read books in its wake. It's like I've become a mood reader suddenly. And if I'm being honest, Netflix binge sessions have probably had an impact as well.  

If we were on a coffee date, I'd take you to get coffee from my new favorite, The Donut Shop. I'd complain about people who spelled doughnut 'donut' and then I'd get over it and tell you about how I stopped in randomly after salivating over the display window and I can't believe I've lived near it for six years without walking in. As we walked over, I'd paint a picture for you of the sweet smell of a bakery combined with the homey feeling of a diner and topped with the best coffee I've had in a while. The brew is so strong and rich that sometimes I can get away with adding only 2 sugars instead of 3, which I know is gonna kill me but hush, this is my story.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd share that writing a book is weird, because when I finished drafting my fantasy novel, Facing Demons, back in July I was over the moon with how amazing it was. I didn't differentiate whether it was the experience or the manuscript itself that was the amazing part. It just was. Yet in the months since, having reread and revised the story, my attitude fluctuates so quickly between "this will be a bestseller!" and "wtf was I thinking?" that it could give you whiplash. 

If we were on a coffee date, I'd complain about my sofa. I'd pull a handful of leather out of my purse because the shedding pieces of the sofa seriously stick to everything. Then I'd tell you about all of the strange places I've found leather scraps in my apartment and you won't believe me because "how in the hell could you get leather there?" And then we'd laugh about how dirty the conversation sounded and I'd only regain my composure long enough to ask if you know of a place to get an affordable sofa that doesn't insist on coming everywhere with me.  

If we were on a coffee date, I'd confide that I'm uncomfortable with my life some days and that seeing everyone else move on with their lives hurts sometimes. How I know I am genuinely happy for them, but find it strange to look at them and think "weren't you just here with me?" I'd tell you secrets of how I felt so lost after graduation, and how that loss mutated into loneliness, and how all of that combined to create so much distance that I'm not sure how to reach out anymore. How sometimes thinking about how my life use to be makes me sad, and I'm not sure if that's because I want to go back or if it's because I wish I'd taken it with me. 

If we were on a coffee date, I'd tell you that Buffy The Vampire Slayer might be made of the stuff my soul is made of and despite feeling a little silly about how dramatic that sounds, it's kind of true. I'd ask if you'd ever seen the show and then I'd fill our time together with either convincing you to check it out or reminiscing. I'd ask if you were Team Bangel or Team Spuffy and then give you the run down of why my ship is the best ship. Then I'd try to convince you to come back to my apartment and watch an episode or four with me because I'm currently on Season 5 of my rewatch and watching Buffy together is always better.  

If we were on a coffee date, I'd remind you that it's never too late. It's never too late to start something new or end something that isn't working. It's never too late to make new friends or end old relationships. Each day gives us the opportunity to make changes to the life we live. I'd insist that, although I have to remind myself constantly as well, you aren't nearly as old as you think you are. That life can always be better and you can always make it so.