Finding Fitness

I've struggled with how to write this post for a while. In fact, a post titled "fitness journey" sat in my draft list as a placeholder almost since I started blogging. I knew I wanted to write about it. I just wasn't sure when or how, and I wanted to have enough content on here before I delved into it. So pardon me, while I fumble through my story. 

As a child and teen, I was always active, taking my turn at ballet, dance, track, basketball and gymnastics, the last of which I practiced for 10 years. I struggled with my weight after I quit gymnastics during the summer before college, but entered my freshman year at PSU firmly in control of it. Somewhere within that four years of beer pong and partying, I lost control of my fitness again and graduated college at +70 pounds. I was embarrassed and tired and frustrated. Once I got back to New York for law school, I was determined not to feel that way, and I shed 55 pounds over the course of 18 months. Most of all, I felt more fit than I had felt in nearly 10 years - not quite the 130 pounds of muscle I use to be as a 16 year-old gymnast but feeling so in control of my body that it didn't matter. 

Enter life. During my final semester of law school, the combination of personal happenings, academics and being the Editor-in-Chief of my law journal took up all the available space on my metaphorical plate, and I ate all of it without regard to what I was doing to myself. And within what felt like the blink of an eye, I was 30 pounds heavier. It was my clothing that first hinted at it - pants that wouldn't zip as easily, shirts that bunched around the buttons -, but I ignored it because there was too much going on to concern myself with it. I had to publish 2 journal issues, prepare for my client's case, study for finals and handle the life drama that pops up at the most inopportune moments. Then I had to register for the bar and prep courses, study for and then pass the bar. And all the while, I assured myself that it was just a few pounds and I'd shed them as soon as I got things settled. Fitness and exercise could wait, but these other things,  they could only be done right now. 

Was I right? I'm not sure. To say that I was completely wrong, that you should always make time for exercise,  would be over-dramatic in my opinion (although I would say that a eating healthy is always possible and preferrable). I don't think it's that simple. Would I have rather maintained my weight instead of graduating law school and passing the bar? No, I can't say that. (Bleh, that sounded like a brag, but I didn't mean it that way.) All I know is that I'm +30 pounds away from feeling fit and I'm not happy with the way that feels. 

So there's my story. The tale of how I found fitness and than lost it (or gave it away depending on how you look at it). It's quite depressing now that I read it back, and I find myself frustrated that I let it all happen to me, instead of making things happen. I know that my solution is to go back to my roots a.k.a the way I did things 3 years ago when I was dedicated to feeling and looking better (a journey I documented on my fitblr, which you can find here although I never post anymore). And I know that I'm going to find fitness again. I know that I have to.