Have you ever felt like no matter how good of a girlfriend, or daughter, or sister, or friend that you are it just doesn't pay off? Like it's not good enough? Almost like you're being let down even though you know you've been nothing but supportive and loving and caring?
An event in my life left me pretty let down recently. It's a feeling I try to avoid, like everyone else on the planet probably (I mean really, who likes feeling like they are falling of a cliff?). I rarely allow my expectations to get too high or myself to get too excited about something for fear that it won't end up like I thought it would. I know it's a horrible, depressing habit, but my experience has taught me not to put too much stock into people. (I can't be the only person with experiences that lead them to think this way). I don't mean to be negative and I'm not really spiteful about it. In fact, I try to stay positive, to trust people and to be understanding. People are human and imperfect. The letdown doesn't have to be the end of the friendship or relationship. Even if you decide that what has happened permanently changes things or makes you trust someone less, it doesn't automatically mean you've gotta discard it all. Just because someone isn't your best friend doesn't mean they aren't a friend at all. There's level to this. To friendship, to relationships, to life. And quite frankly, with all of that said, it's been a while since I've felt let down and it hit me like a ton of bricks, for lack of a better metaphor. My emotions ran the gamut, from confusion, to anger, to frustration, to sadness - all of them directed both inwardly and outwardly.
But when you feel as though you've been let down, it's important to take a second and put things into perspective. Sometimes, we read it as a betrayal or an affront to the relationship. If he loved me, he'd come home on week nights instead of getting drinks after work. Only a horrible friend could exclude me from her party like that. And it's also easy to blame yourself. He never says I'm beautiful because I've gained 25 pounds. She takes advantage of me because I let her. Figuring out why the letdown occurred is essential, but laying blame is not. The goal is to help to patch the relationship and ensure that it doesn't happen again. It's more about the why and less about the who or the what. Does your boyfriend go for drinks to pick up girls or because he feels like he's losing his single self in the relationship? Did she exclude you because she doesn't value your friendship or because of pressure from family or friends? Does he fail to compliment you because he doesn't feel it or because he doesn't know you need to hear it? To mend the relationship or simply understand the letdown, you've got to find the solution and bypass the blame game. Because if you focus on blaming yourself or the other person and ignore how to mend it all, you lose. Do not pass go; do not collect $200.
People let you down, whether intentionally or not. It doesn't make them s#!+ people. It makes them people, period. It makes us people. And so does the ability to understand and forgive.