Why You Should Always Choose Tom Brady

Apparently, there are some people who think Tom Brady is unattractive and balding. But those people are crazy :) I'll admit that when I drafted him 3rd in my fantasy league, my reasons were mostly superficial. Sure, I'm a Patriots fan (don't stone me, NYers!) so I knew he was a [killer] QB, but truly - the only legitimate reason to draft Brady that early is because he's hot. When he consistently gave me < 10 fantasy points per week, there was no one to blame but me and my lustful heart. Then, of course, he started ballin' and well, now he deserves all the awards. Including this one: why you should always, under all circumstances, choose Tom Brady, forever.

He looks like this.

Yeah, I know. A quarterback's value has nothing to do with his physical features. But that doesn't mean I can't love him for it. I don't know how anyone could ever find this unattractive.

And because I'm incapable of choosing only one - you're welcome. 

Seriously. He's like, actually he is, a freaking model. You know that scene in Crazy, Stupid, Love when Emma Stone makes Ryan Gosling take his shirt off and says "Seriously?! It's like your photoshopped!" Yeah, that's what I think when I see Brady.   

His wife looks like this.

He snagged the highest paid and most well-known Supermodel of our time (aside from Tyra!), Gisele Bundchen. I think for that he deserves a little credit. Oh, and he had beautiful babies with Forbes' 89th most powerful woman in the world. Double whammy.

Oh and just in case you thought Gisele's beauty was just all smoke and mirrors, check out this gawgeous fresh-faced selfie she snapped at yesterday's game.

He use to look like this.

Back when he was drafted in 2000, he was completely undesirable in the eyes of the NFL. Long and scrawny, every one with half of a brain doubted Brady's ability to effect anything on the field, led alone lead an entire team. "Lacks great physical strength and stature", they said. He was drafted in round 6, pick #199. And now he's arguably the top quarterback in the league. (Hush, Cheeseheads!) Talk about "started from the bottom..."

He dances like this.

Because let's be real, if he were perfect, we'd hate him. At least he's not afraid to display his lack of rhythm. It's endearing. Now don't get me wrong, the last place Tom Brady belongs is a dance floor. But when he's so amazing on the field, I think we can forgive him this one. Even trade off if you ask me.

He pulls shit out like this.

There are about a million plays I can draw from as an example. Just yesterday, Brady, as lanky and somewhat uncoordinated as he may be, ran for some major yardage against the Dolphins. He's best, of course, when throwing the ball and hyping up his guys. Five seconds on the clock? Down by 4 points? Eh, don't worry about it.

He celebrates like this.

One thing I really like about him is the camaraderie he seems to foster on the team. He doesn't give the underwhelming little fist pump after a touchdown pass. He's runs his ass down to the end zone and jumps in his receiver's face in triumph. 

Do you love Brady as much as I do? If not, just refrain from commenting. I might blow a gasket. Just kidding. About the refraining. The gasket part really might happen.